Pumpkin Pie

Lately, my oldest little guy has been asking us questions about Christmas.  As I tuck him into bed at night he will ask me if it will be Christmas when he wakes up, if we are going to "hang stockings on the chimney with care", and if he will get to go to Papa and Grandma's house.  Of course, his father is the spokeperson for this particular holiday, so his proudest moment will be when our kids grow elf ears, and start wearing green spandex, and pointy shoes that jingle.
One lazy Sunday evening, Daddy was helping Brayden put on his pajamas.  As he struggled to find the right spot in his shirt for his little arm to go, he turned to Brandonn.  An eager look on his face, Brayden asked if we could go get a Christmas tree now.  Brandonn explained that Christmas was still a few months away, and then continued with, ".....but when it gets colder we will go pick out a tree, bring it home, and decorate it.  You can count on it, buddy."  We then heard Brayden's soft, sweet voice, "...one, two, three, four, five!!  Daddy, I counted on it!!"  Kids.  So literal. 
I guess it's no surprise that our middle son (Gavin) now will occasionally exclaim with great anticipation, "YAY, Chwismas!!!" 
As for me, Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday.  It was always so special.  Mom would tell me to go outside and find some pinecones, and pretty fallen leaves to decorate the table with.  Or, when I was younger it was usually spent at my Grandparents house.  Mom and Granny would get up early, sip coffee and chat in the "white china" room.  Meanwhile, I would manage to roll out of the sleeper sofa in the office, and make my sleepy way toward to living room.  I would squish my little hind end right into the big, leather sofa and watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, usually crunching on some crushed ice that had a little Crystal Light Lemonade poured over the top of it.  Then, the women folk would join forces to create the yummiest Turkey Day feast!  Everybody's favorite made it to the table somehow, right on time, nice and hot.  We would sit down at the table, heads bowed in prayer, while my Grandpa squeezed my hand playfully to try to get me to laugh in the middle of it.  He's always had a great sense of humor.  The desserts that followed dinner were not in any way indicitive of a family stuffed with food.  There were usually at least two pies, one pumpkin, and one apple, or cherry.  My Dad had to practically use a shovel to eat his whipped cream......I mean pie.  While he was emptying the can, the rest of us would just crack up....except Granny who was busy taking a new can out of the refrigerator.   :-D  Later that evening, after the feast and yummy desserts had been devoured, and cleaned up, we would eventually make ourselves a cold turkey sandwhich.  I know what you're thinking, but amazingly we did become a tad  peckish towards the days end.  Of course, no day was complete without a trip to the barn to give the horses a Thanksgiving Day treat.  The day was usually topped off with a quick trip down the cold, wooden steps to the basement to check out my Granny's collection of handmade doll houses, and miniatures.  I would walk around each one of them as my feet froze on the brown, tiled floor, peer inside, and imagine each one of the dolls going about their daily routines, completely unaware that someone was watching them.  This is something I did often during our trips to their house.  There was always something new to see, and Granny would come down and help me make something for the doll house she made me that had been left at home. 
Eventually, we moved farther away and new Thanksgiving memories were made, and I will return to memory lane again and tell more about those later.  For night now, though, I sit here at my hubby's bear of a computer desk and am reminded of all the time spent in front of a Flight Simulator game at Grandpa's house on a desk just as big.  Don't ask me how my mind made that leap, it's a tangled up mess in there, and if you dare venture in, I promise you won't come out! 
As I ponder on the memories of the holidays, I want to remember that it doesn't matter what you do, what you eat, or what you get.  You can make any holiday special with the right spirit.  It's in the details, like going outside and gathering pinecones, and pretty leaves to decorate the table.  I want my kids to have as many wonderful memories of the holidays as I do. 
I must go for now, but soon I will be sharing with you the funny experience that I am bound to have teaching my little ones how to carve a pumpkin!

Smile!

Left out in the rain? Not really.

Why is it that we feel sometimes as though we have been left out in the rain, hung out to dry, and just simply forgotten about?  Why is it at times God seems so far away?  Is He really?? Does he leave us, or forget about us? I think we all know the answer to that question.  I think what really happens is that we forget about Him.  I do not think, however, that's it's just a simple case of forgetfulness.  I think that it is more likely to be that we forget about His Omnipresence.  I know that for myself, I tend to me a bit of a control freak, I come by it naturally mind you, but I like feeling that I am in control of my life.  I like to think that I make my own choices, and that my life has evolved into the wonderful way it flows now because of ME.  When I really look hard at my life though, I can see that all the puzzle peices that have fit together so wonderfully were placed by God, not by me.  I wonder sometimes about why we cannot seem to find a good church to become a part of, why we work so hard for so little financially, and a thousand other questions.  I feel at times as though God picked us up, dropped us in Jacksonville, Florida, and went away to take care of more pressing matters. 
    Now, just recently, my wonderful hubby gave me the perfect little gift for my birthday.  It's is a called, "A Woman's Walk with God: Growing in the Fruit of the Spirit" by Elizabeth George.  In her book she says, "You and I can enjoy a closer walk with God and bear much fruit as we surrender our lives to him."  Now, if you look up the word surrender in the dictionary, it says that to surrender is "to give up completely or agree to forego especially in favor of another", "to give up oneself into the power of another".  I also found in John 15:4,11 "Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me."  "These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full."  So apparently, God wants us to give ourselves over to Him completely; to abide in him.  He tells us that we cannot bear fruit unless we abide in Him.  Elizabeth George explains that, "Such 'abiding' has been defined as 'continued fellowship with the Lord', 'dwelling in Hid fellowship and being submissive to His will', and keeping 'constant with Jesus...a constant contact."  Constant contact.....I suppose that means that I have to 'forget' about me being in control, because if I am abiding in Him, and surrendering myself to Him, then I am giving up control over my own life to Him.  In verse 11 He says, "These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full."  Amazingly, he wants us to obey this command not only for His glorification but also so that we may have joy!  He's not just saying, "I want you to be happy", he says that we He wants our joy to be FULL!  I realized as I studied this how frequently we are not only lacking full enjoyment in Him, but we are downright miserable!  Can you image being full of joy?
   So, to sum up my devotional experience this morning I realized two things; 1) That when I feel left out in the rain, it is because I have struggled with God to take the reins, and He temporarily allowed me to have them so that I might see where that path leads, in short; unpleasant places.  2) That while following the command to "abide" in Him, I am to be full of joy.  The Christian life is not to be a constant drudgery of strict adherence to 'outdated' rules, but a complete surrendering of oneself to God, and a full enjoyment of Him. 
    It will not be easy, but you know what they say, practice makes perfect! Enjoy your day!

The End of a Long Day

After writing about my very long day, I wanted to share how it ended.  Some days just keep going on, and on, and you feel like you're living the "Never Ending Story", but this day took a surprising, and welcoming twist. 
So, after my previously mentioned "day out" I brought the kids home and scrounged up some dinner.  I never realized until now how unappealing that word is when used in reference to food....scrounged....hmm.  Anyway, they ate dutifully and I got them ready for bed.  Now usually, Brandonn doesn't get home from school until around 10:30 pm, but on this night, he called me at 7 to announce that he was picking up stuff from the store and would be home shortly.  I screached, and jumped up and down, and threw a tantrum of a different color.  I love going through the whole bedtime routine with him; reading stories to the kids, singing bedtime songs, praying together, covering them up, and kissing them goodnight.  There's nothing like it.  So after he came home we put the two younger ones to bed (they share a room), and took our oldest into his room to put him to bed, and then continued with our evening.  Our oldest little guy has just recently moved to a toddler bed, and we have trouble keeping him in it, and out of the toys, blinds, light switch, etc.  So, periodically, we have to go back in and lay him down again.  I knew he wasn't very tired yet, so we allowed him to play quietly in his room for about an hour, at which point the banging on the walls had begun and must to be stopped.  As I walked in, I noticed the handle to his little vacuum was on the floor instead of being attatched to the toy.  I scolded him gently for "breaking" his vacuum, and told him he must be careful with his toys.  He looked up at me and so innocently exclaimed, "I didn't breaked it.  I just took it off.  I NEVER breaked it!".  He said this with so much conviction of innocence that Brandonn and I had no choice but to laugh.  It's things that like that, that turn a bad day into a great one.  That's what made me want to be a parent, and now that I am one, it's what keeps me sane through the rough days we all experience.  Dory comes to mind occasionally with her, "just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming, what do we do we swim, swim, swim, ha, ha, ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaa!" attitude. :-D

The Four Hour Errand

Well, today has been quite the day, let me tell you!  It started out like any other day, get up, get dressed, make breakfast, get kids up, dress kids, feed kids, change diapers, wash hands, etc., etc., etc.  At about 9:15 my hubby calls and asks if I could please bring back the movie we borrowed from his co-worker; he forgot it this morning. I decided that since we hadn't been out of the house in a few days that I would get an early start and drive around a few farms that I know of by hubby's workplace.  We looked at cows, and pastures, and pretty little farmhouses, and wound up at hubby's work right on time at 1:30pm.  While he sat with us on his break, he encouraged me to just go for a drive.  The hurricane headed for NC (be safe!) has created some lovely swells for Jacksonville beaches.  So, he suggested we pick up lunch on the way, head out to the beach, park and take some pictures (have I mentioned my current obsession with photography?).  I thought about it for a few minutes, and decided just to do it!  After all, my kids need fresh air as much as I do.  So, we left hubby, I got gas (or should I say fuel for the car), picked up some McDonald's, and realized my camera was at home.  Luckily we live 2 minutes from McDonald's, and while I was getting my camera I got their sippy's and a bottle for Lilly.  I called Brandonn and asked if there was any way he could get off work early and come with us (he's been working alot of overtime lately).  He said that he would ask, and call me back to let me know.  Now cell phones are not allowed at work but he can usually sneak off to the bathroom and call me really quick if it's important.  So, 2 o'clock came and went, no call.  Then 3 came and went, meanwhile I am headed to the beach, and am passing the exit for his workplace when I remembered the lady at McDonald's forgot to give me my ice water for sippy cups, and Lilly's bottle.  Ugh.  I enter "Fast Food" into the Garmin to see what's close by, and I find a Dairy Queen.  I take the next exit and drive all the way down the road, but I don't see a Dairy Queen.  At this point, the Garmin is telling me to turn around and go the other way.  I do.  Lo, and behold, all the way down the road in other direction, is the Dairy Queen.  However, luck was not on my side this time.  The Dairy Queen was attatched to the gas station, and had no drive-thru window.  I know it sounds petty of me to say that I threw a small tantrum and drove past it, but you try getting 3 babies/toddlers out of a car and into a store, pay for a drink, carry said drink out of store, hold on to your kids, AND make it back to the car -- all by yourself.  If you can do that without throwing a tantrum, then we defintely need to meet.  Or you're cheating. haha.  Back to the story, we were still close enough to home that I decided to drive back and get fill their sippy's and bottle, and try again.  It's 3:30 by this time, and I'm just realizing that the last time I changed diapers was just before we left (the first time) which was at 12:45, and they probably needed to be changed again.  I unbuckled seat belts, carried everyone in, changed diapers, filled sippy cups, made a bottle, and got everyone strapped back in when hubby pulled up.  We talked for a minute and realized our miscommunication.  Apparently, he said that he would try to call me, and I was to go on by myself if I didn't hear from him.  But what I heard, was that I was to go get my camera and food, and he would call me by the time I was finished doing that.  Anyway, he was due in class at 5pm, and didn't have time to go with us, so we said goodbye and pulled out.  Now, keep in mind that none of them have had naps, so everyone is whiny, and cranky.  My very large ninivan has never seemed so small to me as it did today.  I became claustrophobic.  I broke into a cold sweat.  No, I'm kidding......well......anyway.....  We drove out to the beach, pulled up to the park entrance, and were met with a kind old man who politely asked for $3.00 to get into the park.  I opened up my wallet.  As I stared into the abyss, I remembered using cash to pay for the McDonald's that I had just bought so that we could park at the beach and take pictures!  I apologized to the old man, turned around, and threw a little larger tantrum.  We arrived home at 5:20pm.
What started out as a simple errand to return a movie, turned into a 4 hour and 35 minute trip.
I am staying home tomorrow-"if God is willing and da creek don't rise!"

Man, I feel like a woman.....

This is going to sound crazy, but ladies, have you ever praised God for your monthly gift? I have found that after having 3 kids in 3 years, I praise God all week long! I know that probably sounds insensitive to the ones out there who desperately want kids and aren't able to conceive, and I'm sorry for that.  For the rest of you, it's probably TMI.  Deal with it.   I, myself, have always thought of 4 and 6 as being the perfect numbers, and have always wanted a big family. However, after these 3 years of just trying to keep everyone fed, diapered, and happy, I'm ok with just having 3. :-D I am not ready to have any more right now, and though I'm not ready to say, "I'm done, let's go make it official" I think I would be ok if God did not want me to have any more.  Don't misunderstand me, I would also be ok if God DID want me to have more.  I would just like to be able to wait another year or two. :-D
Sometimes my husband or I will get asked the question, "So, how many kids do you have?", or my personal favorite, "Are you done yet?".  Oftentimes, our response to the first question will be that we have 3 beautiful kids.  They usually come back with, "Wow, three?  You know how to fix that don't you?".  Of course, I must not forget the number one response, "Wow, you've been busy!".  It just amazes me how brash people can be.  Is it really so odd that I should trust God with the number of children I have??  I have found too many people who are very quick to point their fingers, and call me irresponsible for having 3 children, and a small budget.  I have found even more people who think I'm crazy for wanting to be a stay at home mom; like I enjoy being broke.  What is even more astonishing than all of this, is the fact that these people think that my personal life is ANY of their business.  I will always welcome encouragement, but unless I ask, please keep your ignorant negativity to yourself.
Before I close, let me take a moment to thank the very few of you, who have encouraged me, and lifted me up in God's Word.  The friends who have not judged me, but who stood by me.  I will always have time for friends like that! 

Breath of fresh air

I think I need to re-evaluate here. I was out with a couple friends today, one of whom has such an energetic personality that it really made me think about my attitude lately. I feel like I have been in this huge rut for a few months now, I've been totally self-centered, and just feel like a schmuck. The problem for me is not necessarily wanting more material things, or needing to be the life of the party, my problem is just focusing too much on ME. I don't really know how to explain it. I think I just compare myself to others, and find that I always come up short, and then it's almost like I get angry at that person for pointing that out to me. Is that crazy?? I have 3 beautiful children, a husband who loves more than anyone else ever has, and anything else that I would ever NEED. I guess I've just had so many people put me down over the years, that I've begun to believe that I really am a piece of shit. I really need to work on that, I need to be around people who build me up. I fear there's nothing left for people to tear down. And why do I even care what people think about me, you might ask. I couldn't answer that one, I can say, "Who cares?" all day, but deep down I'll still care. I guess it's just all part of being a relatively new mom, wife, and only 23. :-D So, I'm just going to focus on the interests, and people that make me happy, and hopefully find a church family soon that I can connect with. Until then, I'll keep smiling!!!

Blueberry Farm

So, I checked my email this morning, and it looks like there's another meetup scheduled for picking blueberries with the kids at the blueberry farm. Yeah, like I'm going to try that again! Last week, I got all three of my babies up, got them dressed, and grabbed some waffles to go. I put them in their carseats, gave them each a sippy cup, and a waffle, and we drove 12 miles. We get to the farm, I unload the kids; puttin gone of them in a baby pack on my back. We got some buckets and started looking for a good spot to start picking. Now, it's 8am, 92*, with 70% humidity. So, as you can imagine, I'm already sweating. This place opens at sunrise, so alot of the blueberry plants have already been picked over. So, I try to explain to my oldest (3) that he should only pick the big, blue ones. Meanwhile, my little one is just enjoying playing with his bucket, pulling on some leaves, and occasionally scooping up some dirt. After, about 15 min. my oldest got bored and decided he needed to find a better spot, so he starts weaving in and out of the blueberry plants, and I try squeezing through as well, still holding onto my middle child, and still carrying baby #3. I finally catch up and grab his hand, but my middle pumpkin has gotten weary of holding his bucket filled with a handful of blueberries that I had helped him pick. He dropped his bucket; blueberries went everywhere, and by now I have sweat dripping in places you don't want seat dripping. So, I pick up the bucket, grab the kids' hands and start walking toward the barn to pay for what we have gathered. As I pass a woman picking, she ever so sweetly looks down at the kids, looks up at me, and says, "Well, you've got some nice help with you today!" I just wanted to smack her. "Nice help", was she kidding?? Did I look like I not only had everything under control, but also had some extra "help"? Thank goodness, I didn't have a free hand at the time. We get to the barn, and hand the lady one of the buckets, she weighs the berries, and tells us w e owe her $0.45. After all that work, I had 45 cents worth of blueberries, that doesn't even amount to 1 Cup! I dig in my pocket and hand her a twenty, she kindly stated that she would not charge us for just 45 cents. I thanked her, tried to pry the other bucket from my middles' hands, walk back to the car. I put them all in their carseats, turned on the A/C full blast, and swore to never do anything like that again.

Once Upon A Time.....

Well, I have finally decided to set up my own blog. I know that it is very possible that no one will ever read this, let alone enjoy it. But for my own sanity, I must begin. I think we all need to believe that we are important; that we are being heard, even if we are not. So, this will be a sort of "dear diary" for me. Or maybe more of an "I Dare You" project for myself. I am daring me, to put myself out there, and be my most genuine self, regardless of what anyone thinks. This is a place for me to express my opinions, joys, discouragements, etc. Basically, "the good, the bad, and the ugly" haha. Maybe one day, a tired, frustrated, mom who is having a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad day, will come across this and smile. I hope that is the case.
So, to all the moms out there in this great, big world, I just want to say, "Keep Smiling!!".